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SPI Webcomic "The Paranormals" by Vorpral

 

 

Welcome to Ghost Laughs! As I have stated in my disclaimer before, this is a professional group, but we like to yuk it up with the rest of them. This is a collection of humorous links, pictures, terms, etc. which is geared more towards ghost hunters, but will hopefully have some mass appeal as well.

 

 

"This is indeed the powerful evidence ever for the aetheric body ever presented 

Brian and Ann Allan (paranormal investigators) website www.p-e-g.co.uk"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwKtz66l-AA&feature=related

Vorpral heartily agrees. (and thinks psychic Derek Acorah needs more fiber in his diet)

 

 

 

Dr. John Markway: It has taken 60 million years to develop the carnivorous biped you see before you, Luke Sanderson.
Theodora: Let's see what kind of martinis it makes.
Luke Sanderson: They should be pretty good. I majored in them at college.

-The Haunting of Hill House (1963)

 

 

 

Cartoon by Marc Tyler Nobleman

www.mtncartoons.com

 

 

Cute Luann comic regarding horoscopes

 

http://laughterheals.org/

 

FUN STUFF

Ever have one or more of those overly sensitive psychics that love to freak out at almost every investigation? Well, we here at SPI just wait for them to finally snap and do the real thing.

 

Top 10 things you can do with your Possessed Psychic

 

10.  Take them down to a karaoke bar and do covers of AC/DC songs

9.  Use their glowing red eyes as a traffic safety device when your car breaks down

8.  Put them on the phone when telemarketers call and bill them $3.99 per minute for Dial-A-Demon

7.  Employ their powers of divination and geolocation to track down spammers and Fed Ex them to Hell

6.  Rent them out to Divinity schools for use as Exorcism Training Dummies

5.  Use them in educational safety videos such as "Kids & Haitian Voodoo - Do's and Don'ts"

4.  Get them employed at Underwriter Laboratories to evaluate kitchen appliance "possess-ability"

3.  Ouija board quality control at Parker Brothers

2.  Enter them in Olympic Events like the 400 meter  "Chase the Overconfident Wiccan Priestess Obstacle Course"

1.  Post them in the break room for beverage availability so you don't waste a trip.  "There is no coffee, only Zuul."

 

PICS

 

Orbmobile

Here's a photo of a very serious ghost hunter's Corvette.

 

 

Haunted Hotel

Think we'll see any orbs? This attraction is located in Butte, MT. Here is a link for more info:

http://www.usacitylink.com/citylink/boo/haunted.html?mode=vlist&id=Haunted%20Hotel%2cMT

 

AAA Recommended

"Need to take a shower?..."

Coeur d' Arlene, ID 

 

KIRAISMS

I am friends with Kira from Mystic Ghost Investigations and she is a real doll with a great sense of humor and a very high literacy rate. These are some terms that she came up with that I feel should be part of the official hunter's lexicon.

 

*Almost* Psychic - The term for someone who thinks they are psychic, but you know they are not.

Ick Meter - A sophisticated intuitive device which measures how yucky the energy is in a certain area.

Icks per Minute - The official unit of measurement for the above device.

The Possessed People - *Almost* Psychics who are so oversensitive to their internal insecurities that they become "possessed" on nearly every hunt.

Psychic Jeopardy - A very annoying game in which all the psychics on a team try to outdo each other in terms of accuracy, sensitivity and ultimately drama.

Possession Charades - A slightly more entertaining pastime where you try to guess whose spirit is being channeled

 

 

GUEST DEFINITIONS

Out Goth - A handy turn of phrase to describe when someone is trying to be darker than thou. Credited to Caroline C.

Techno Pagan - Rather self-explanatory, this is also credited to Caroline C.

Pagan Standard Time (PST) - Why certain Wiccan friends always seem to run late. Caroline C. again

Pseudo-Psychics - While the term has been in use for some time, Ralph defines them as those who brag about their magical powers in the hope that others will validate their psychological misconceptions.

Psychic - An investigator who hasn't learned how to use the equipment.   Credit to Chris Moseley of Dagulf's Ghost

Gravestompers - Derogatory reference to an amateur group that goes into cemeteries just for the thrill of seeing a ghost without any serious methodology or research. Credit to Chris Moseley of Dagulf's Ghost.

 

SPI GLOSSARY

Chocolamancy - A new branch of magic that I just now invented which makes extensive use of chocolate and other comfort foods. Somewhat related to Beer Gazing which consists of staring into your brew for cosmic answers.

Halloweeners - People who try to join a ghost group around Halloween season, but it applies to anyone who joins out of fad or out of a lack of realism.

 

Tombstone Epitaphs

Here lies
EZEKIEL AIKLE
Age 102
The Good Die Young

 

more where that came from:

http://christian-civilization.org/E-newsletter10-31-03.html

 

 

 

RECENTLY HEARD QUOTES

"Just because I've had bad luck with women doesn't mean I'm bad with women...  bitch."

Josh aka "Brigade" (he didn't think I would post this)

 

"You are too young! Too young!"

Victor Manuel pointing at a 15 year old wearing a Pink Floyd T-shirt

 

HUMOR LINKS

(or a tour of what I think is funny)

 

Brewster Rockit  (the Feb 20th - March 4th episodes deal with a haunted space station - hilarious!)

http://www.comicspage.com/brewster/brewster.html

http://www.comicalert.com/comics/8396-brewster-rockit/history/2004/09/

Haunted Space Station   Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard

 

 

A place to build Red Meat Comics

http://monkeydyne.com/rmcs/buildmeat.html

 

 

Pagan Comic

http://ohmygods.timerift.net/

 

Here is a ghost hunter themed part of a comic series known as Sluggy Freelance.

http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=030309

 

Here's another cool strip, but be warned...  he is not into family values

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02282002.html

 

Mega dittos on this one

www.goats.com

 

For getting your D&D on...

 Nodwick - http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/

  Order of the Stick -  http://www.giantitp.com/

 

Keep moving... nothing to see here...

http://www.skippyslist.com/skippyfriends.html

 

Forget you even saw this link...

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=27980

 

MC Hawking - Theoretical Physicist Turned Rapper

http://mchawking.com/

 

Brunching Shuttlecocks

http://www.bandwidththeater.com/

 

Lost in Translation

http://engrish.com/

 

Great XMAS Gifts

http://stores.ebay.com/Bunnies-Hutch/Raging-Hormones-Prozac-Barbie.html

 

Check out the reviews for a Bic pen on this British Amazon site

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000JTOYLS/ref=cm_rdp_product

 

An Interesting Survey Site

http://www.bestandworst.com/48/customer-service-racist-assclown-48717r.html

 

Looking for a new drug?

http://panexa.com/

 

"Horrorscopes"

http://www.drinky.org.uk/stuff/horoscopes.html

 

IT Humor

http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com/

Useful Related Program

http://www.arrangebypenis.com/

 

Oldest Joke Book

(Greek with the Original Dead Parrot Sketch)

http://wizbangpop.com/2008/11/17/ancient-greeks-preempted-dead-parrot-sketch.php

 

Gentle Spiritual Humor

http://www.eyeofhawaii.com/dolphinsky/index.html

 

Not Very Gentle Religious Humor

Balthor's Tales from Hell

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/27980

 

Jedi Talent Agent

http://members.aol.com/daftchris8/313.html

 

Star Wars toys that never made it to market...

http://www.mcmorran.org/pages.php?page_id=15

 

Best of Douglas Adams

http://www.some-guy.com/quotes/adams.html

 

Star Trek Humor

http://www.sjtrek.com/trek/quotes/S_TheNextGeneration/

 

Flying Spaghetti Monster (Pastafarianism)

http://www.venganza.org/

 

Reverend Bob Church of the Subgenius

http://www.subgenius.com/

 

Rocky Horror Picture Show Scripts

http://www.cosmosfactory.org/rocky_horror_scripts.shtml

 

My Good Friend Paul Riddell's Writings

http://www.geometry.net/detail/authors/riddell_paul_t.html

http://web.archive.org/web/20010408102955/http://www.hpoo.com/columns/hells/news54.html

 

For Girlie Men

http://dykedolls.com/

 

For the more political minded

http://www.thismodernworld.com/

http://www.workingforchange.com/column_lst.cfm?AuthrId=43  Latest of "This Modern World"

 

Get Your War On

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/k.html

 

Unusual eBay Feedback

http://www.capnwacky.com/lists/list67.html

 

Anagram Generator

http://www.anagramgenius.com/server.html

 

Phobia List

Don't get all politically correct with me - I have phobias too, and if you want to laugh at my fear of Norwegian Opera singers, then go ahead. :)

http://www.phobialist.com/

 

Making fun of religions

http://www.jwfiles.com/ex-jw-humor1.htm

 

 

Here is a site you may not believe in. They are now defunct for reasons that you might guess, but I find the idea both hilarious and alarming. 

http://web.archive.org/web/20010516224617/http://www.rent-a-ghost.co.uk/ 

 

Want to know the day of your death? Here's handy Death Clock, which gives you a handy reminder including the number of seconds left you have to live. Gather ye rosebuds, while ye may... 

http://www.deathclock.com/ 

 

HILARIOUS MOVIES
 

Back to The Future

Demolition Man

 

 

Words to live by...

 

 

QUOTES

Here is an excerpt from one of the best letters I have gotten so far about the website. She makes some really good and hilarious points.

 

"I really do think that your web page helps others get it all in perspective. In order to conduct investigations there has to be rules. There are going to be people that get mad and get their feelings hurt because they can't go. I think those people can just go bowling...

I think a lot of people do this just to hang out and get scared or be able to tell their friends they've seen a ghost. Those people are not taking into consideration the most important people - the people living with a possible haunting.  I've lived in a house where you are scared to sleep with the lights off, and having a bunch of goobs walking around in your house with no objective and a possessed psychic would not have made me feel better."

 

 

 

On why white people are stupid to stay in a haunted place:

 

Black Male Householder :  Aw baby this is beautiful, we got a chandelier hanging up here,

kids playing outside, it's a beautiful neighborhood. Ain't got nothing to worry about... I really like this place...

 

Demonic Voice:   Get out!

 

Black Male Householder :  Too bad we can't stay...

 

-Eddie Murphy from the Comedy Concert "Delirious"

 


 

The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride ...' And we ... kill those people.

Ha ha, 'Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice.

No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride.

Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead, spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace. Thank you very much, you've been great." [several gunshots ring out, Bill mimes being hit and falls to floor, motionless.]

 (Onstage closing comments of Hicks's Revelations special from 1993)


 

Modern Paranormalist - A Poem from a Friend

I am the very model of a modern paranormalist
In de-a-ling with evils that we all agree should not exist.
Of esoteric knowledge I have far more than a smattering:
When spirits manifest at me I swiftly send them scattering.

I carry holy water in a flask I wear about my neck
For turning evil creatures to a panic-stricken rout,
by heck!
If any shoggoth dares to show a smidgen of a tentacle
I'll swiftly send it squelching off by brandishing my pentacle.

I utter phrases cryptic, Babylonian and mystical;
My robes are covered utterly with symbols kabbalistical;
I know the arcane gestures that make poltergeisten realise
The safest thing for them to do is simply dematerialise.

My staff is made of balsa-wood for greater ease of carriage
Although it may not work so well for cut-and-thrust and parryage;
I also have a folding stake in case of vampire menacing,
And very high-tech earphones mean I never hear the Sirens sing.